today my heart was so distracted.
perhaps it was the lack of sleep. i’ve been waking up in the middle of the night for the past month. last night i woke up 4 times – 1:38, 2:43, 4:48, 7:30. strange how my mind is more active when it does not rest.
perhaps it was the end of the week. more specifically, the end of my bible study with the bbtc leaders. i’ve held on to human glories far more tightly than i care to admit. i am afraid of leaving, because who know whether i will be glorified before men in this new place?
perhaps it was because i didnt like the songs sung today. why didnt i like them? why couldnt i sing them with my whole heart?
there were so many reasons i could not heave my heart to worship you today. but at the core, it is because i forget that it is not me who heaves it, but You! i stare so much at my own hands, my own heart, my own sin, that i forget that You have redeemed it all.
help me forget myself. help me stare so hard at the cross that my vision beside blurs. help me cling so hard to Jesus that my fingers are free to do Your will. help me be so humble before You that i can recieve both criticism and praise without destroying myself. help me be so secure in who You say i am that i can both date and be single without my ego collapsing into itself.
help me forget myself, and look to You!