ready to leave, willing to stay

o God this world is so marked by pain and suffering. God how could you allow this? how could you stand this? how can this be part of your perfect plan?

are not your people slaves, even now? are not our burdens heavy? how long we have toiled under the sun, and for what? there is no end to our striving! there is no end to our pain! there is only sorrow, heaping upon one another like layers upon layers of stifling cloth, till Your voice is a muffled mess.

God, should i not die now? would it not be better? have i not spoken constantly of my eager expectation of Your coming kingdom? is that not what i remember each time i eat of the bread and drink of the wine, that one day i might feast with You?

why am i still here?

i am so proud God, and every moment i do not get what i want, do not see what i want, i rise up. i rise up against You, against Your will, against Your plans! God i am so so selfish, and daily i struggle to obey You. is this my life now? one marked by pain, suffering and an inability to submit to You?


no you fool! have you so quickly taken your eyes off jesus? to what end has he redeemed us? that we may live as His people, that we may proclaim His goodness! is He not your very present help? is He not your sun and shield? o you foolish man, o you blinded wanderer, Christ is here, now! there is hope even now in this world, only in Him. indeed You have passed over me, You have elected me, You have preserved me, You have kept me. should you mock the Lord and His plans? o God, help me to submit! help me to obey! for Your glory alone shall i live; not in misery, not in despair, but in such hope, expectation, anticipation, joy! help me to delight in You now Lord, help me to live for You now Lord.


Psalms 2

Now therefore, O kings, be wise;
be warned, O rulers of the earth.
Serve the Lord with fear,
and rejoice with trembling.
Kiss the Son,
lest he be angry, and you perish in the way,
for his wrath is quickly kindled.
Blessed are all who take refuge in him.


be my refuge, now and forever.

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