what is it men seek? men the humanity, not the gender – yet can i define it for others? or are our definitions by definition communal. or humanistically mystical?

others. is there other? if we are all the same, what is apart? what makes one one, another another?

who can hate himself more than he?
who can know enough about himself to do so?


all i have sought my entire life has been purpose.

to what end do i do all i do?
to what end can i do all i seek to do?
how does one seek out what one seeks to do?
how does one seek the sought, or see the seen – if it has not already happened, am i destined for darkness?

how long must/can/should one wait for blindness to end

or does sight come to the blind who touch and feel their own reality, in doing so they see, yet not as we/they do.

what then is seeing, if what we experience is not even the same?
these are days i want to forget, yet cant help pen down into writing. oh God how much i loathe my ownself, yet my life and my heart and my mind and my eyes and my feet and my hands – these are the devices i have. and as such through them i must make sense of the world, as flawed and as broken these attempts may be. even in my distress i recognise o God, that there must be some sort of perfection, some form of halleleujah unbroken by my wickedness.

who is this Christ whose name i know? who is this God who seeks to save the broken man i am?

teach me to love, teach me to love love.

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